Anger - a helpful emotion?

I always had been a pretty analytical, rational and calm person. I believe this characteristic of mine has treated me well so far. Sometimes I wish I could be more spontaneously excited - maybe that is a trade-off for me I can work on. But if there is an emotion that I would love to manage better then it is anger.

Let me tell you a story of when I got angry. It goes back a long time when I was coaching my old Curling team during a World Championship. The team took a time-out before playing a critical shot in a critical game. As a coach you then can go on the ice and consult with your team for one minute. We found agreement to try a shot in a controlled play, making sure the thrown stone remains in play. What then followed was what we discussed should not be played - something the skip called “speed of light” which basically means to throw the stone very very fast. The opposite of being in control. I was sitting on the coach bench behind the rink and got ANGRY when that attempt missed it’s goal. We lost the game and I did something I had never done in my Curling career. After the game the skip got a scolding in the changing room and I asked for an apology to the team.

I felt anger a few times as well in my playing career. Looking back it was most intense when my opinion was not heard, things went wrong and I was thinking “haven’t I told you".

Other moments of anger appeared when my kids became toddlers. They do not always do what you want them to do or you want them not to do. They push over full glasses, they make dirty what you just cleaned, they cry and shout when you need silence. Some of you probably understand what I am talking about. The perception of a so far controlled life got on another path.

What does Curling and family life have in common? Well, you are part of human interaction, a social gathering of people you are dependent on, close to, people who act and behave based on their personality, own experiences, needs, anxieties, strengths and expectations. The result of these diverse backgrounds is, you cannot control what people will do when and why.

At work and in sports (especially on a professional level) you do whatever you can to align your expectations, your work-stream and your strategy. Sports Psychology looks into understanding, accepting or overcoming anxieties and using and relying on your strengths - to make you successful. That is a struggle for oneself - becomes very complex for a team and of course a family. How often do we talk about our needs, strengths or our anxieties at work or in our family? Are we even aware of them? A coach can be the sports psychologist at work or at home, help finding out what success means for you and get you on that path of transition.

Reflecting on our emotions can help us to uncover patterns of our own behavior and help us to preempt unwanted reactions. My anger lesson learned is not to expect things always happen as planned or wanted and when going wrong to be more accepting and understanding of it. Take one situation of your past day and try to name what emotions occurred for you. How did you react? Why? What was the outcome of that reaction? What could have been a better outcome? Under what circumstances would I have been able to react differently? What can I do differently next time? Journaling these or other questions on a daily basis can become a very valuable tool for developing yourself, to be more self-aware and to build better relationships with others as a result.